Bizarro World
Six Months Earlier
A large, cube-shaped planet sat several light-years away from our galaxy, an imperfect version of Earth. On this planet lives Superman's clone, the imperfect Bizarro, as well as clones of everyone in Superman's life.
It was on this day that Bizarro #1 returned home to the farmhouse that he had crudely constructed on top of 'The Daeily Plahnit' building. Crashing through the roof, Bizarro #1 landed in the living room, holding a bouquet of dead flowers. His black hair was a mess and he had a cardboard sign with #1 hanging around his neck.
"Me am home!" Bizarro #1 said. "Where am hideous wife?"
"Here me am!" Bizarro Lois shouted as she ran out of the bathroom, where she was preparing dinner and saw the dead flowers. She was pasty white, with messy black hair and a Hilary Clinton pantsuit. "Am those for me? Those am so horrid! Me hate you!"
"Me hate you, too. Where am son that make me sorry for being parent?"
"Oh, Junior full of hate for girl!" Bizarro Lois said. "They am running off to get divorce before living horribly ever after!"
"Kids am growing up too fast," Bizarro #1 said. "If only we had child who never grow up. Then we not take care of it and give it hate and loathing forever."
"Wait, horrible husband, Superman am having plenty of kids who never get older," Bizarro Lois said. "Maybe he give us one?"
"Bad idea, horrible wife," Bizarro #1 said as he pushed her to the ground. "Me go and get new child for us to hate."
"Be back never!" Bizarro Lois shouted as she watched her husband make another hole in the roof.
Six Months Earlier
A large, cube-shaped planet sat several light-years away from our galaxy, an imperfect version of Earth. On this planet lives Superman's clone, the imperfect Bizarro, as well as clones of everyone in Superman's life.
It was on this day that Bizarro #1 returned home to the farmhouse that he had crudely constructed on top of 'The Daeily Plahnit' building. Crashing through the roof, Bizarro #1 landed in the living room, holding a bouquet of dead flowers. His black hair was a mess and he had a cardboard sign with #1 hanging around his neck.
"Me am home!" Bizarro #1 said. "Where am hideous wife?"
"Here me am!" Bizarro Lois shouted as she ran out of the bathroom, where she was preparing dinner and saw the dead flowers. She was pasty white, with messy black hair and a Hilary Clinton pantsuit. "Am those for me? Those am so horrid! Me hate you!"
"Me hate you, too. Where am son that make me sorry for being parent?"
"Oh, Junior full of hate for girl!" Bizarro Lois said. "They am running off to get divorce before living horribly ever after!"
"Kids am growing up too fast," Bizarro #1 said. "If only we had child who never grow up. Then we not take care of it and give it hate and loathing forever."
"Wait, horrible husband, Superman am having plenty of kids who never get older," Bizarro Lois said. "Maybe he give us one?"
"Bad idea, horrible wife," Bizarro #1 said as he pushed her to the ground. "Me go and get new child for us to hate."
"Be back never!" Bizarro Lois shouted as she watched her husband make another hole in the roof.
ISSUE #12 - "Make Room for Bizarro"
Written by Tobias Christopher
March 2018
Written by Tobias Christopher
March 2018
Now
Clark and Chris Kent returned home to the small farm just outside of Metropolis. Chris had his new Power Boy costume in a bag slung over his shoulder as he walked into the living room.
"Go upstairs and wash up for dinner," Clark said as he patted the young man on the shoulder.
"Sure thing, Pa," Chris said in Kryptonian before heading upstairs.
Clark headed into the kitchen, standing behind Lois and kissing her cheek gently.
"How's our little man doing?"
Lois just sighed. "No better than he was. I'm worried that Zod broke our baby."
"Jon's strong, he's going to pull through," Clark promised her. "Maybe after dinner, I'll take him on a short flight, see if that gets a reaction out of him."
# # # # #
Not too far away, Jon and his new friend Tommy were sitting on a swingset in a nearby playground.
"Still not going to talk, huh?" Tommy asked. "I thought maybe some fresh air might open you up a bit. Look, Jonny, you're the only kid my age around here and it's pretty lonely as it is. My family doesn't really have a lot of time for me. I thought maybe the only other boy my age would want to be my friend."
"I'll be your friend," Jon whispered as he continued to stare down at the ground.
"He talks," Tommy smiled. "Something really bad must have happened to you to make you like this."
Jon just remained silent as Tommy put a hand on his shoulder. "It's cool, Jonny, you don't have to talk about it. I'll listen if you ever do want to, though."
"There's a river not too far from here," Jon whispered. "My dad lets me go fishing by myself sometimes. Do you want to come with me this Saturday?"
"Fishing? With you? Why, you're looking at one of the greatest fisherman that ever lived!" Tommy smiled. "I'm in."
"Jon!" Connor shouted as he caught up to them. "What the hell? You know you're not supposed to leave without telling someone! I was worried sick about you, bro!"
"I was just talking to my new friend," Jon said as he looked at the empty swingset next to him. "Tommy?"
"Zod screwed you up worse than I thought," Connor said as he sat down next to Jon. "Talk to me, Jon. Are you going to be alright?"
"It hurt," Jon whispered. "Turning into Doomsday. It hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. I could feel my bones snapping and twisting, and not being able to control what I was doing. It was, it was--"
"You can say it, Jon, I promise I won't tell Clark,"
"It fucking hurt," Jon said with tears in his eyes. Connor pulled the boy close and hugged him.
"This was my fault," Connor told him. "I wasn't strong enough to be there when you needed me. But that's gonna change. From now on, powers or not, I'm going to keep an eye on you. No one's ever going to hurt you like that again, I promise. Just like when we fought Brainiac. I'll get you back in one piece, I swear it."
# # # # #
Metropolis
Jimmy Olsen's cellphone vibrated on the nightstand in Jimmy's apartment, where it looked like a tornado had struck the place. Furniture was turned over, and there were shredded clothes all over the floor. In the bedroom, Jimmy woke up on the floor, naked and confused. As he picked himself up, he looked at the clock.
"No way, I slept the whole day?" Jimmy asked as he stumbled toward the nightstand, his whole body racked with pain. "What the hell happened to me?"
Jimmy grabbed his cellphone and listened to several voice messages from Perry White, wondering where he was.
# # # # #
Lois and Clark opened Jon's bedroom door, in time to see Connor sitting on the edge of the bed, playing video games with Jon.
"Well, look who's back with us," Clark said as he picked Jon up to stare into his eyes. "How did you do it, Connor?"
"We're brothers, we have a certain bond," Connor smiled.
"Are you okay, Jon?" Clark asked.
"I'm getting there," Jon said as he hugged his father.
# # # # #
Connor stepped out into the hallway, walking past Chris's bedroom where he was just staring into a mirror.
"Hey," Connor said as he looked into the room. "Look, I know you've had it rough, and I'm sorry that I gave you a hard time. Are we cool?"
Chris just nodded his head and shook Connor's hand.
"You know, maybe it's time that I learned how to speak Kryptonian," Connor told him. "So I can understand it if you're insulting me."
# # # # #
In Metropolis, Bizarro #1 crashed through the roof of the Daily Planet, going through several floors before landing in front of Jimmy Olsen, who'd gotten himself together enough to get to the office.
"Bizarro #1?" Jimmy asked.
"Hello, Carrot Boy!" Bizarro #1 said as he grabbed Jimmy and hugged him tightly. "Me not have missed you at all!"
"Glad to hear," Jimmy squeaked out.
"Maybe you be of no help to Bizarro and help me lose new horrible son!"
Jimmy had to run that sentence through his head a few times before he finally understood it. "You want... a new kid?"
"NO!"
"I should have just stayed in bed," Jimmy sighed.
# # # # #
At the house, Clark heard the alarm from Jimmy Olsen's signal device that he used to contact Superman in an emergency.
"Jimmy's in trouble," Clark said as he kissed Lois. "I'll be back."
"Can I come?" Jon asked as Lois looked at Clark.
"Jimmy was probably just kidnapped by some gangsters again," Clark told her as he took off his glasses. "I'll keep an eye on Jon."
Quickly switching into costume, the two flew off toward Metropolis.
# # # # #
Superman and Superboy flew to the Daily Planet, coming in through the hole that Bizarro #1 had made in the roof.
"Bizarro #1?" Superman asked. "There had better be a good reason for you being here."
"Am not very good reason!" Bizarro #1 said as he spotted Superboy. "You am the worst friend ever! You not know what me came for after all!"
Before he could say a word, Bizarro #1 plowed through Superman, knocking him through a wall and grabbed Superboy into a tight hug.
"Me promise to hate you forever and ever!" Bizarro #1 shouted as he flew out the window with Superboy tightly in his grip. Superman stood up and looked around.
"Superboy?"
TO BE CONTINUED...
Clark and Chris Kent returned home to the small farm just outside of Metropolis. Chris had his new Power Boy costume in a bag slung over his shoulder as he walked into the living room.
"Go upstairs and wash up for dinner," Clark said as he patted the young man on the shoulder.
"Sure thing, Pa," Chris said in Kryptonian before heading upstairs.
Clark headed into the kitchen, standing behind Lois and kissing her cheek gently.
"How's our little man doing?"
Lois just sighed. "No better than he was. I'm worried that Zod broke our baby."
"Jon's strong, he's going to pull through," Clark promised her. "Maybe after dinner, I'll take him on a short flight, see if that gets a reaction out of him."
# # # # #
Not too far away, Jon and his new friend Tommy were sitting on a swingset in a nearby playground.
"Still not going to talk, huh?" Tommy asked. "I thought maybe some fresh air might open you up a bit. Look, Jonny, you're the only kid my age around here and it's pretty lonely as it is. My family doesn't really have a lot of time for me. I thought maybe the only other boy my age would want to be my friend."
"I'll be your friend," Jon whispered as he continued to stare down at the ground.
"He talks," Tommy smiled. "Something really bad must have happened to you to make you like this."
Jon just remained silent as Tommy put a hand on his shoulder. "It's cool, Jonny, you don't have to talk about it. I'll listen if you ever do want to, though."
"There's a river not too far from here," Jon whispered. "My dad lets me go fishing by myself sometimes. Do you want to come with me this Saturday?"
"Fishing? With you? Why, you're looking at one of the greatest fisherman that ever lived!" Tommy smiled. "I'm in."
"Jon!" Connor shouted as he caught up to them. "What the hell? You know you're not supposed to leave without telling someone! I was worried sick about you, bro!"
"I was just talking to my new friend," Jon said as he looked at the empty swingset next to him. "Tommy?"
"Zod screwed you up worse than I thought," Connor said as he sat down next to Jon. "Talk to me, Jon. Are you going to be alright?"
"It hurt," Jon whispered. "Turning into Doomsday. It hurt worse than anything I've ever felt. I could feel my bones snapping and twisting, and not being able to control what I was doing. It was, it was--"
"You can say it, Jon, I promise I won't tell Clark,"
"It fucking hurt," Jon said with tears in his eyes. Connor pulled the boy close and hugged him.
"This was my fault," Connor told him. "I wasn't strong enough to be there when you needed me. But that's gonna change. From now on, powers or not, I'm going to keep an eye on you. No one's ever going to hurt you like that again, I promise. Just like when we fought Brainiac. I'll get you back in one piece, I swear it."
# # # # #
Metropolis
Jimmy Olsen's cellphone vibrated on the nightstand in Jimmy's apartment, where it looked like a tornado had struck the place. Furniture was turned over, and there were shredded clothes all over the floor. In the bedroom, Jimmy woke up on the floor, naked and confused. As he picked himself up, he looked at the clock.
"No way, I slept the whole day?" Jimmy asked as he stumbled toward the nightstand, his whole body racked with pain. "What the hell happened to me?"
Jimmy grabbed his cellphone and listened to several voice messages from Perry White, wondering where he was.
# # # # #
Lois and Clark opened Jon's bedroom door, in time to see Connor sitting on the edge of the bed, playing video games with Jon.
"Well, look who's back with us," Clark said as he picked Jon up to stare into his eyes. "How did you do it, Connor?"
"We're brothers, we have a certain bond," Connor smiled.
"Are you okay, Jon?" Clark asked.
"I'm getting there," Jon said as he hugged his father.
# # # # #
Connor stepped out into the hallway, walking past Chris's bedroom where he was just staring into a mirror.
"Hey," Connor said as he looked into the room. "Look, I know you've had it rough, and I'm sorry that I gave you a hard time. Are we cool?"
Chris just nodded his head and shook Connor's hand.
"You know, maybe it's time that I learned how to speak Kryptonian," Connor told him. "So I can understand it if you're insulting me."
# # # # #
In Metropolis, Bizarro #1 crashed through the roof of the Daily Planet, going through several floors before landing in front of Jimmy Olsen, who'd gotten himself together enough to get to the office.
"Bizarro #1?" Jimmy asked.
"Hello, Carrot Boy!" Bizarro #1 said as he grabbed Jimmy and hugged him tightly. "Me not have missed you at all!"
"Glad to hear," Jimmy squeaked out.
"Maybe you be of no help to Bizarro and help me lose new horrible son!"
Jimmy had to run that sentence through his head a few times before he finally understood it. "You want... a new kid?"
"NO!"
"I should have just stayed in bed," Jimmy sighed.
# # # # #
At the house, Clark heard the alarm from Jimmy Olsen's signal device that he used to contact Superman in an emergency.
"Jimmy's in trouble," Clark said as he kissed Lois. "I'll be back."
"Can I come?" Jon asked as Lois looked at Clark.
"Jimmy was probably just kidnapped by some gangsters again," Clark told her as he took off his glasses. "I'll keep an eye on Jon."
Quickly switching into costume, the two flew off toward Metropolis.
# # # # #
Superman and Superboy flew to the Daily Planet, coming in through the hole that Bizarro #1 had made in the roof.
"Bizarro #1?" Superman asked. "There had better be a good reason for you being here."
"Am not very good reason!" Bizarro #1 said as he spotted Superboy. "You am the worst friend ever! You not know what me came for after all!"
Before he could say a word, Bizarro #1 plowed through Superman, knocking him through a wall and grabbed Superboy into a tight hug.
"Me promise to hate you forever and ever!" Bizarro #1 shouted as he flew out the window with Superboy tightly in his grip. Superman stood up and looked around.
"Superboy?"
TO BE CONTINUED...
Superman Family Album
"Alright, Clark, you sure you want to go through with this?" Pete asked as he arrived at Lana Lang's house with Clark and Whitney.
"I have to do this for Lana," Clark said. "Her brothers aren't going to keep us apart."
"Well, well, the chicken decided to show," Alvin Lang said as he walked outside with his brothers and Lana. "You sure you don't want to walk away now?"
"Just stop this!" Lana shouted. "Clark, you don't have to do this, they can't keep us from seeing each other."
"I think we can," Ronald Lang said as he tried to pick Clark up by shirt, but couldn't budge him. "We can make his life a living hell for the next few years."
"But a promise is a promise," Larry told her. "If he wins our little contest, we'll let you date in peace. If he not, he has to stay far, far away from you."
"They'll never leave us alone if I don't do this," Clark told her. "I can win this, I know I can because you're worth any trial I have to face."
"I just hate being some prize that all of you are trying to win," Lana said. "Is that all I am to you?"
"What? NO!" Clark said as he took her hand. "I never once thought that! I just wish I knew how to get them to leave us alone."
Lana gently touched his cheek. "Go and play their game, Clark, and we'll have a long talk about this after, okay? Prepare for an extremely long lecture on how women aren't prizes to be won in some stupid contest."
"It'll be totally worth it," Clark smiled as he gave her a quick kiss before turning to face her brothers. "Give me your worst."
# # # # #
The group stared up at a large cliff that was a good way into the forest.
"Alright, farm boy, here's the deal," Alvin told him. "You have to scale this cliff and make it to the top. At the top of the cliff you're going to find a cave, and inside that cave there are going to be three markers, one for each of us. You have to find all three and bring them back if you want to pass our test."
"Is that it?" Clark asked. "Sounds simple enough."
"It won't be farm boy, it won't be," Larry told him. "That's Carson's Cave up there. It's said to be haunted and filled with a large number of booby traps."
"Then how did you get the markers in there?" Clark asked.
"We tied them to rats and let them loose into the cave," Ronald told him. "Have fun, farm boy. Oh, and one more thing, you gotta do this with no shirt and shoes."
"Seriously?" Lana asked. "No, that's too much!"
"It's okay, Lana," Clark said as started unlacing his sneakers. "I told you, I can take whatever these jerks come up with."
"Don't worry, you got this," Whitney said as he rubbed Clark's shoulders while Pete held onto his things. "You'll be okay, we'll keep an eye on these jerks to make sure they don't do anything fishy."
"We'll be waiting for you at the exit," Pete told him. "Good luck."
Clark looked around as everyone started walking to make the trip up the trail to the top. Clark pulled Whitney back.
"Whitney, if something happens to me, you gotta promise me that you'll tell Pete," Clark said. "If anything else, I want you to be honest with him."
"I'll-- I'll think about it," Whitney told him as he handed Clark his backpack. "They didn't say anything about supplies. You have a rope, a flashlight, some protein bars and a few bottles of water. See you when you come out of the cave to victory."
Clark stared up at the cliff and started climbing. He could easily used his powers to get to the top, but that would be a cheater's way out. If he was going to earn the right to date Lana, he was going to do this the right way. He just hoped that a fall from a long distance wouldn't hurt that badly.
"You think he'll make the climb?" Alvin asked.
"Even if he does, we've made sure he'll never come out of that cave," Larry told his brothers. "Clark Kent will be just a memory."
"I have to do this for Lana," Clark said. "Her brothers aren't going to keep us apart."
"Well, well, the chicken decided to show," Alvin Lang said as he walked outside with his brothers and Lana. "You sure you don't want to walk away now?"
"Just stop this!" Lana shouted. "Clark, you don't have to do this, they can't keep us from seeing each other."
"I think we can," Ronald Lang said as he tried to pick Clark up by shirt, but couldn't budge him. "We can make his life a living hell for the next few years."
"But a promise is a promise," Larry told her. "If he wins our little contest, we'll let you date in peace. If he not, he has to stay far, far away from you."
"They'll never leave us alone if I don't do this," Clark told her. "I can win this, I know I can because you're worth any trial I have to face."
"I just hate being some prize that all of you are trying to win," Lana said. "Is that all I am to you?"
"What? NO!" Clark said as he took her hand. "I never once thought that! I just wish I knew how to get them to leave us alone."
Lana gently touched his cheek. "Go and play their game, Clark, and we'll have a long talk about this after, okay? Prepare for an extremely long lecture on how women aren't prizes to be won in some stupid contest."
"It'll be totally worth it," Clark smiled as he gave her a quick kiss before turning to face her brothers. "Give me your worst."
# # # # #
The group stared up at a large cliff that was a good way into the forest.
"Alright, farm boy, here's the deal," Alvin told him. "You have to scale this cliff and make it to the top. At the top of the cliff you're going to find a cave, and inside that cave there are going to be three markers, one for each of us. You have to find all three and bring them back if you want to pass our test."
"Is that it?" Clark asked. "Sounds simple enough."
"It won't be farm boy, it won't be," Larry told him. "That's Carson's Cave up there. It's said to be haunted and filled with a large number of booby traps."
"Then how did you get the markers in there?" Clark asked.
"We tied them to rats and let them loose into the cave," Ronald told him. "Have fun, farm boy. Oh, and one more thing, you gotta do this with no shirt and shoes."
"Seriously?" Lana asked. "No, that's too much!"
"It's okay, Lana," Clark said as started unlacing his sneakers. "I told you, I can take whatever these jerks come up with."
"Don't worry, you got this," Whitney said as he rubbed Clark's shoulders while Pete held onto his things. "You'll be okay, we'll keep an eye on these jerks to make sure they don't do anything fishy."
"We'll be waiting for you at the exit," Pete told him. "Good luck."
Clark looked around as everyone started walking to make the trip up the trail to the top. Clark pulled Whitney back.
"Whitney, if something happens to me, you gotta promise me that you'll tell Pete," Clark said. "If anything else, I want you to be honest with him."
"I'll-- I'll think about it," Whitney told him as he handed Clark his backpack. "They didn't say anything about supplies. You have a rope, a flashlight, some protein bars and a few bottles of water. See you when you come out of the cave to victory."
Clark stared up at the cliff and started climbing. He could easily used his powers to get to the top, but that would be a cheater's way out. If he was going to earn the right to date Lana, he was going to do this the right way. He just hoped that a fall from a long distance wouldn't hurt that badly.
"You think he'll make the climb?" Alvin asked.
"Even if he does, we've made sure he'll never come out of that cave," Larry told his brothers. "Clark Kent will be just a memory."